and it filt all the sadness behind

yeah no joking

i dreamt of my mum,she was crying,hardly,and im pretty sure that i can feel her desperate,even in the dream.it was about love,about the indifference of my dad,about the commun destiny of every woman.

i think of her,then think of that kind of wonderful mother’s love,so pure,so noble,so extrem,so delicate and entire.that’s a kind of love with the words writing on’ i can die for you baby’,and it’s totally true,coz it’s actually writen on the bone , no ,in the bone.

then i walked across that bridge like always,got drunk and shocked by the overwhelming scene around,yes this is a wonderful village i have to admit,pretty,pale and cold.

then i thought that i might and could die one day like everyday.

that was another rare time that i have this kind of horrible idea in my mind dying

and it’s the tale of the year 2009

gloomy spleen and breathless

yesterday i didnt have a really sound sleep,it’s normal,coz im really not in a quite state these days,i dreamt of someone who has exactly the same look with me,that was just a flash,but u can imagine how happy i was im just hoping to meet that one in the real life,which could be fun.

to pe clear,i’d like to make a description of me at this moment,i’ve lost all the contact with every slight and faible connection that i’ve made in france,now im all alone,i had a terrible toothache which is still hurt,as well as the headache which is getting worse,and the problems of the eyes,it doesn’t hurt but another feeling really weird.now i’ve given up all the plans for the vacations even for the next year.

what im gonna do is just try to keep myself less zombie everyday and hopefully recover soon.

everything’s gonna fine,what i need is just time,dont worry,u r gonna be fine.

i almost fogot this blog and i guess no one remember it for now.anyway it’s pretty cool coz this gonna really be my secret land for my soul.

lately nothing specail,i hate this school and the way they teach,it seems stupid and the worst it’s i’m getting less and less intrested in this major.

i got to know totally well the life in north france and the residents here,they r all the same for me.and im really tired of it,i have no desire to have more fun with them,especially i cant find any more fun.

my smile has lost,sadly

recently i’ve been suffering some horrible stuff,which makes me incredbly gloomy,i tried all means to cheer myself up like making myself a nice meal or giving myself a long nice break to sleep.but useless,still im blue,i guess its all because of the climate,now it’s getting deeper and deeper in the winter,everything is dead in this city,all is dead

i have to wait and its gonna be the only way

hope spring comes soon.my head is exploding

wanna know my mood for tonight?

look at the title

love “architecture in helsinki” =D

i believe there’s sth over the brain that control the fonction of the brain and that sth also belongs to ourselves

sofian is actually the first guy that i met since i started to move around.he taught me not to be afraid and try all means to challenge the extrem

ada his friend who is from pologne,she is a bitch but she is nice and brilliant.

benoit could be the second,he taught me to be really gentle,tender and a perfect habitude of life,but he is totally narrowminded and typical french selfish.

then naz who is the friend of benoit,he showed me that the talent of human-being is limitless.he also showed me the rare true love to his girlfriend.he is nice.

well afterwards matheu the first guy i met in the class,at that time everyone seems strange to each other,he was so warm and invited me to do a lot of stuff.i got to know that there’s a kind of smile so pretty and a voice so amazing in this world.he is a bit simple anyway.

and julien i got to know him from matheu,i still remembered that he bought me a drink the first time we saw each other,he spoke very fast and seemed someone not so patient.then we had some more contacts and i still can’t get any clu of him.he is like a wind.he is like a evil in dealing with the relationship of humanbeing.i get a idea of that but i don’t think i can be as good as him.

and hed,the close friend of julien.i learned how to have the smiling and innocent eyes even when we r feeling bad or even angry.he seems nicer than julien.i donno

lewi someone who never smiles but it’s different from the other french who never smiles,i found his face another kind of charm.i met him twice and he left me a deep impression.

and…

most of the students in my school i just throw one word,they r  all alike and typical french,no more commentaire

and im sorry to say this,the french girls around 20 r totally scraps.they know nothing about respect, love and kindness. pfffffffff u!!!!

it’s harsh ben anyway whatever

now i can feel that im rebuilding myself,from inside to outside

at this moment i’m just the pieces,from inside to outside

the transfer takes some time that’s for sure,but i still hope it could evoluate as quickly as possible

coz  im gonna crazy now…

again i don’t know who i am exactly

mon dieu tell me

i’ll take some time to rearrange my life

i hope i can be clear in the end of this month

seeya world

but i guess im really lost right now

i don’t know what kind of life i’ll lead and which career i should choose

im not really sure who i im

who told not want to make friends with me because i love psychology

that made me feel really hurt

anyway i don’t care

i’ll continue to be who i am

and stick to what i love

im not sure if i can meet a lot of people who share the same passion with me

whatever

this world is not that simple and i found that the people that i’ve met r so complicate

maybe im too idiot

pf

pay attention to those who r over 25 years old…the time give them a brain which is wider than me

a part time job in paris?